Hi! I am Parul. My ancestors are from South Asia, I was born on Turtle Island in Tkaronto, and I currently live on the island of Bali in Indonesia. I use poetry, prose, poetic frames to unravel entanglements of our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Call it an evolving decolonization practice that is liberating the many intelligences our existence contains.
☝🏽 I read you this newsletter, or you can read it yourself! 👇🏽
pre-letter guide: This letter is a collection of poems, prose, and quotes. Each collection brings forward an energy, an intention. Non-linear by design, allowing space for all your intellects (emotional, intellectual, intuitive) to wander in the paths that serve you in this present moment.
the complexity lies in the intricacy
where one moments starts
the other ends
held together by trust
that all of this life
is truly meant to be
as you are
a tapestry weaved so delicately
Many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape. — Bell Hooks
it’s hard to remember
in a city so big
it is difficult to surrender
drowning in street lights
endless flow of noise and light
transmuted to different stories in different bodies
no central focus
no beating heart
each pocket, each neighbourhood
an amoeba
with mildly porous boundaries
firmer boundaries in the minds eye
that east and west separated by a river of concrete,
the 405 and all its car heat
divisions we create
are illusions we meet
the connection that we seek
is in the peak of the isolation that we meet
an inner begging to be seen
when everything feels
torrential
tormenting
terrifying
glacial epidermis
horizons dimmed
but then you get to see
the light within
Made for society
Something I don’t want to be, you’ll see
Once I’m freeI was raised to be a woman
I was raised to please a man
I don’t understand why I have to sacrifice
everything that I am— from the song “Balance Doubt” by hapi & Cellar Door
it is hard not to fall to your knees
when thinking through all the moments
you’ve survived
Everything is waiting for you
by David WhyteYour great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the
conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The uprise in awareness of emotional health allows us to believe that we are not delusional or “crazy” for feeling deep grief and sadness when we feel disconnected from others.
It is called primal panic.
This is when you need to be connected to people in order to survive. You find safety in emotional connection. And you experience danger or threat in emotional disconnection.
Society values people who are independent and self sufficient. But really — who the fuck is independent?
There are no islands of people. Your plate of fruits, vegetables, proteins is international. It is likely not from your backyard (but if it is that is so, that is beautiful), it is unlikely all grown within 100km of your home.
You’re out of season orange. The apple you crave in the tropics. Is from all geographies.
Self sufficiency is a fallacy.
It is propagated by capitalism. Since individualism is a highly lucrative business. When everyone needs their own everything.
Your emotions are your power.
Your feelings are valid.
Our need for connectedness is real.
Interconnected is simply a fact.
It is felt the ground we share.
The planet we live on
Do everything for your nervous system.
(I do.)
Your nervous is where your groundedness lives.
It is your internal home.
It is your compass to now.
what does your nervous system do
when you come into a familiar space
a place you know where everything goes
does staleness arise?
or uniformity
banin sentiments
is this a feeling you despise?
where does one repair
when there is no home to be there
holding you
the container of your existence
outside the skin
you need some resistance
from the external flow of things
a safe place to recollect
to piece together versions of you
that need mending and rest
as the tides of the world ripple
chaotic waves in your body
there is a need to protect
to find a safe corner
a Home
safety in familiar
to manage all that lingers
newness
uncertainty
where your heart can heal
your nervous system can mend
from the ruptures of the world
because it feels like there is no end
Home has been a fluid space.
how do you be tall when the earth below your toes keeps moving and rolling, over and over. how do you be tall when inside your energy feels small? how do you be tall when all you want to do is crawl up in a ball?
with courage from the sun. holding from the moon. gazing to the stars. you realize you are brighter than you think you are.
With the heat of the day. Caressing your face. Life force energy washing you, bathing you with the light of life. How can you not acknowledge the wonder of life. When the sun turns seeds into trees. Photosynthesis.
to be in a place for long enough
to sit still for awhile
to find that inner earth
to ground into the now
Much love 💙💛💚
Parul // @parulbee
letter 011: home lives in your nervous system 🙆🏽♀️💫🥲